Being an ally

Sometimes what we need is not an ally but a friend.

Not every person needs every person to be an ally at all times. Sometimes it is more helpful to be a friend than an ally. I say this as a visible minority writer but not out of being a visible minority writer.  Nor do I speak for all visible minorities, minorities in general or people in general. I’m not trying to be the spokesperson for anyone but me. But I would hope that you can take what I say and apply it to others where propper or at the least take a moment to think.

I will say we all need allies. Minorities especially precisely because we are minorities. Being a minority means being in the lesser number of a group, this by definition means having less allies than another group. Having allies helps when the odds are stacked against you or even with the odds in your favor; it means you’re not alone or your group is not by itself. This can help in verifying that you’re on the right path.

Not everyone who is with you can be an ally though. And not everyone you support needs you to be an ally. Allies fight together. If you can’t fight, having you as an ally does not do much good. Allies go to battle together, go to war together. If you are only an ally when the stakes are low or if you’re only an ally for a moment you’re not much of an ally.

Friends are different. Friends are there for you when the fighting ends. That’s not to say friends can’t be allies. If all your friends aren’t your allies and vice versa you might want to take a look at your relationships but you can have some allies that aren’t your friend and some friends who are not your allies, at least not in every fight.

I’m not everyone’s ally. I”m not even a lot of people’s ally. I can be a lot of people’s friend or at least friendly to a lot of people, which is almost as good, especially these days. I am not going to fight all the battles with you, even if I agree with you. And this may be a shock but sometimes I don’t agree with people. Sometimes even with people I am friendly with. Many people are looking for allies, someone to go in the trenches with, their ride or die; especially on social media, where the price of fighting is not that high. I’m not that guy most of the time. I have my own battles I’m fighting, I’m not a big fight guy, also many of the fights or the way you’re fighting are not that significant. Yes, I agree with your right to do and be you, no I don’t need to shout at some guy over the computer, no I don’t need to socially isolate them. Those are not battle tactics I see as being real difference makers. So, no, I’m not your ally in this fight. 

Now I can be your friend. I can help you commiserate over the amount of assholes in the world. I can listen to your point of view and agree where I agree and respect our differences. I can offer a distraction or amusement. I can bring a smile to your face. Friend type things.

I know you aren’t going to be there for my every battle as well. Our circles are small, a tight knit group or various tight knit groups bound by our love of a singular event/opinion/characteristic. These are my allies. You, you are my friend. You are the one I can share a joke with. I can count on you for a random like. You’ll read my bullshit with a smile. 

You are someone I need. Not an ally, but a friend. 

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