The Pang of Loss

I can’t believe she’s gone. My heart still beats but in legato. I breath but only in sighs
Drawn out like the sands of the desert. The horizon blurs like the vision of my future. The pang of loss hangs upon me, an oxen yoke with misery.

My soul cries out curses to my ancestors, 
cursing them for placing their bodies one upon the other.
How dare you lay in lust, enjoying the fruits of desire 
Knowing it would culminate in such misery, that is me? How Fucking Dare You?! 

Why should I look up to the sun unless to blind my eyes?
Clouds could roll in, rain could fall, yet my loss would not wash away in the flood.
Winds could blow and thunder sound yet the hurt would still grow.
Let nature offer its worst; I offer my soul as broken payment

This pang, this torment, the bottomless wound
Black it lays upon my days, swallowing my heart
Lay burdened upon my head. A solemn crown
All Hail the King! 
Long live the king. The king is dead. Aww Hell.
 I’ll wallow in my misery kingdom for it is the only nation that will have me.

I look for her, still. I know she is not there. I know she will not come back.
Can not come back. The hands of time will not move in counter nor the river reverse
Yet I can not make my eyes look ahead. My head turns back. 
The past calls like a forlorn lover, oh, that is my echo.
I call to myself, about myself, there is no other. She is not there in the end.

I fear it is my own doing. I called the hand of fate, tempted the mistress of misery.
Others say it is no fault of my own. These things happen. It was not meant to be / it was meant to be. What do they know? How can they know the cracks that I had stepped upon in the pavement? The arrows my bow flung towards her heart? Do we not wound those we love most? Do we not tear asunder those we most wish to be under?

I call to the crows, the ravens, vultures, whatever flying devourer of carrion wishes to feast.
Here I lay, arms akimbo, waiting for my end. Impatient for this torment to end.
Come you foul flyers! Peck out my eyes! Fill my ears with pebbles!
Peck on my chest, open it wide, nibble my heart. 
Eat your fill, you fowl devourers. I give freely of my tasteless flesh, 
My hollowed soul, my mind too tormented to think beyond tomorrow.

I can not believe she is gone.
She left in the morning. 
There upon the marrow goes my love.
Gone with the setting sun.
Now shines the moon.

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