Money Where Their Mouth Is

A Trumped Up Views story – 8/2025

Money out my hand
Where it goes I don’t answer
Into your pocket

“You should just donate money to the campaign. You’d get this cleared up in a jiffy.”

“Isn’t that bribery? That’s illegal. Isn’t it?” asked Mr. Green.

“Yes. Absolutely. And I’m saying that as your lawyer. Bribery is illegal,” said Mr. Johnson, “Political donations are not. And I’m not saying that not as your lawyer.”

“Donations as part of a bribe?” asked Mr. Green his arms crossed.

“Who’s doing that? No, nobody here is doing that. Or any suggestion of that sort. We are merely saying that if you were to make known that hefty donations were made to such candidates in support of their ongoing good work; they may look upon this case more favorably, well actually unfavorably, therefore more likely to dismiss.”

“So if I give money to some politician then he’ll talk to the judge and tell him to dismiss the case?”

Mr. Johnson looked at him like he had two heads and one of them was wearing a denim cowboy hat and had just rejected his platinum card.

“I’m going to have Ms Winston here explain it to you while I step out of the room. She’s an associate of the firm but she has a decent understanding of what is going on,” he paused, “That’s on record correct Ms Winston?”

“Correct sir.”

“Okay then. I’m leaving,” he said.

He walked to the door. Before stepping out he looked at Mr. Johnson, shook his head once, walked out and closed the door.

Ms Winston looked at the door for a minute then turned to Mr. Green.

“Wha-”, said Mr. Green.

“Shhh. Listen, this conversation is off the record. Mr. Johnson has left for plausible deniability. And he can fire me with impunity; not that he needs it. -”

“So you’re a DEI hire?”

“What?” asked Ms Winston taken aback, “No. I have a law degree from the University of Pennsylvania. Top 10% of my class. Three years of service with recommendations from senior lawyers. I am not DEI in any sense.”

“I apologise. When you said that I thought you meant something like that. I assumed -”

“Becuase I’m a young, black, dyke lesbian that I was easily fireable?”

“I didn’t say all that. I -”

“You were right. That’s exactly what I meant. The culture has changed. Not just at this law firm but in the United States as a whole. The President is proof enough of that.”

“Then why stay?”

“Because this is one of the highest paying firms in the country. Because they’ve never done any DEI, they hire the best, regardless. And despite what you may think of Mr. Johnson, he is very, very good.

Listen to me. We can’t say for sure but we’re sure that you can buy your way out of this lawsuit and it will cost you less than the suit, certainly less than paying for our services and losing the lawsuit, not that we believe you would lose but we can’t guarantee that,” said Ms Winston.

“So it is a bribe.”

“No. Not in the legal sense. Is it payment for a service? No. But it is effectively the same yes, though you have to stop saying bribe, especially in front of Mr. Johnson.”

“I’m not doing a bribe. I run an ethical business and am an ethical businessman. I am not BRIBING a judge by giving money to some politician. Who is …? No, I don’t want to know. If this is the type of service this firm offers frankly, I’m not interested.”

“The type of service this firm offers is to do what is best for our clients in winning their cases. That’s what Mr. Johnson has been saying. Your best chance of winning this case, in getting this case thrown out all together is to give money to the campaign of a certain senator. Nothing illegal. No tit for tat. Just a campaign contribution.”

“So this goes all the way up to the Senate huh? Yeah right. That makes no sense. I mean-”

“Take a look at this,” said Ms. Winston, handing him her phone.

He looked over the article.

“This is an article about the impeachment of Judge Horry. Is he connected to this lawsuit?” asked Mr. Green.

“Read who initiated the impeachment procedures. It’s about halfway down,” said Ms. Winston.

“Senator Luiz Rompers.”

“You know why he initiated those proceedings? Because the judge blocked one of his biggest supporter’s new development over environmental concerns. The right decision? Who knows? What it has done is put every judge on notice,” said Ms. Winston, taking back her phone.

“My God.”

“Exactly. Bribery would be quaint. And just so you know, this had specific blessings from the President. It’s a new day in the U. S. of A. Should I call Mr. Johnson back in now?” asked Ms. Winston.

“Yes. I think that would be prudent. Your explanation was very, ahem, insightful. And you can put that on the record. I’ll have my secretary get a check ready for you in the morning.”

“Not me, Mr. Green nor Mr. Johnson. We just represent the best interest of our clients.”

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