UnPresidented Citizens Arrest

A Trumped Up View story 11/2025

Image by Berthold Bronisz from Pixabay
Nation’s marching feet
Unprecedented calling
For the citizens

“What kind of bullshit is this?”

“What?”

“The President is calling in the national guard,” said Eddie as he sat down in one of the plastic chairs on his grandmother’s front porch.

“Where?”

“Here. Well, Los Angeles, talking about some crime bullshit.”

“Ain’t your brother in the guard?” asked Jerome.

“Yeah.”

“They deploying him?”

“Shit, I don’t know. I don’t think so. I heard they bringing in the marines too. That’s fucked up.”

“Yo! You might gonna have to shoot your bro.”

“What? No. Nah. I ain’t shootin’ nobody.”

“Brother roll up in these streets with the Jarheads. He might get popped.”

“They ain’t sending anybody to our neighborhood.”

“Ain’t they supposed to be here for crime?”

“Yeah but -”

“We got crime.”

“They ain’t here for us. They protecting government buildings and shit. Least that’s what they say it’s supposed to be.”

“They gonna be protecting secretary Betty and her BBL.”

Eddie laughed. “Man, you crazy. They gonna be marching to protest the President sending in troops.”

“Man, they march at the drop of a hat. What they need to do is get a gym membership. Y’all can march on them treadmills and stop holding up traffic.”

“Didn’t you go to the last one?”

“Yeah, trying to hook up with one of them ‘free thinking liberal college girls’. But they all talk, all walk. I ain’t hit shit,” said Jerome.

“If you chased getting right as much as you chase pussy you might be president by now.”

“I ain’t gotta chase gettin’ right to get fucked over by gettin’ right; that’s the difference.”

“Shheew. You know who gonna get fucked over with the National Guard here? We are.”

“We always getting fucked over. Should make it the Black national slogan – “Black America – Y’all fuckin’ with us.”

“You know that’s probably why they doing it. Watch, they gonna bring in the National Guard for every big city with a majority black population. Then when shit goes down, boom! They gonna come after us.”

“I thought they was doing that to the immigrants with ICE?”

“Nah, they just want them out of the way so they can go after the real target.”

“Black folks.”

“Black folks. Take us back to the Jim Crow days,” said Eddie.

“Jim Eagle, the new Jim Crow. Fuck Up America Again.”

“Fuck America. Again.”

“For real, for real.”

“You know what I think I’m gonna head out to that protest march when it happens,” said Eddie. 

“Oh yeah? Gonna go fight the man. Try and stop the madness.”

“Nah man. I’m gonna go try and find some pussy.”